It's Time

Things are changing at cosmic levels. I'm feeling all over the place. I've made some decisions that will radically change my life. My heart is happy and sad at the same time. I just know what I want, though. It's time for me to move into an apartment by myself. It's going to be a challenge. It's gunna be a rough time for a bit. But that's okay. It really is, because the longer I live with roommates, the more I'm going to desire my own space. And I've gotta prove it to myself.

Prove to myself that I can have a sacred space, more than just a room, but an entire pad to myself. All the messes will be mine to make and clean up. All the noise created will be created by me. I will be the master of myself. I will enjoy my time as the dweller...

Things that I've gotta figure out first. I've gotta get a bed. I've gotta find a decent meditation pillow. I've gotta get kitchen items, like, all of them. Dish sets, utensils, pots and pans. I've gotta get a small table and a couple of chairs. I've gotta find a place on the southside... Towels, wash cloths, cleaning supplies; mop, broom, etc. I've gotta find a way to budget. I want to live a strict-ish life.

Wake up before 8 everyday.
Eat some good food.
Clean my space, water my plants.
Go for a walk/do tai chi or qigong.
Set intentions for the day, be it learning or working.
Work...
Eat.
Smile.
Understand each practice of healing that I'm undertaking: floating, acupuncture, dance, (capoeira), music, yoga.
I will eat good, nourishing foods. I will learn more about plants and categorize my knowledge by healing vs nourishing vs poisonous. I will understand how my body utilizes proteins and fibres and carbs. Eat day I will educate myself so that my knowledge will simply flow.
I will find an apartment with a balcony and smoke marijuana consciously and with intention. I will spend more days in silence than with cheap entertainment. I will find comfort in silence, creativity will flow. I will live somewhere that exemplifies my self discovery and discipline. I have many practices, but not enough commitment to them. I will dedicate the six months or so to total self-mastery. I will bow down to my own authority. I do not need much in life, and living alone will prove to my Self that I am committed to Truth.
I will not smoke cigarettes. I'll roll expensive tobacco, if I must. I'll smoke herbal cigarettes if I must. But not the chemical distortion that is so addicting. I will eliminate this crutch. I will eliminate this relationship. I will eliminate the idea that it is serving me any longer. I will eradicate the conception that smoking helps; I'm in a Stockholme Relationship with Smoking, and I no longer want to submit to that pressure. I release that subconscious holding element that binds me to this awful drug.

I am in dire need of myself right now. I am in dire need of listening to source right now. I am in dire need of feeling the pressure out. I am in dire need of feeling complex. I am the master of my own life. I am the owner of my needs. I am the disaster that doesn't play out. I am the creature of love, of destiny, of immaculate knowledge. I am a living creature that feels so intensely for Life. I am involved, I am seen, I am known, I am accepted. And when I can propagate the fullest expression and experience alone, then I will understand my power. I am in love with life. I am in love with knowing. I am in love with Everyone. I am Everyone. I am never alone. But I will have the space in only a few months time. Only a few more months, dude! I've gotta study... I've got a lot I need to learn.

When I am alone, I lack focus. I need a tight schedule so I can accomplish the things I need. I need to give up facebook for a bit. Later today, I'll start going through the art I have posted and start saving it. But then I will deactivate it for a few days.  Let people know my number, and log out for good. My heart and mind need it. There's too much... nonsense on there. I don't use it to connect as much. I will only use my devices as tools of communication and learning... I have many words to say, but I will put them in a more private place...

Taurus New Moon week

Life is a little more easy, a little more enjoyable. Food's stocked up, and will allow me to bulk up. I'm currently making golden milk and I've had four meals today, second time this week. Need to cut back how much I'm spending, but all's good right now. I want to buy a laptop and get a hard drive to put music on. Kira's gunna be giving me a bunch of the music mutual friends have put on her computer.

I like lists so here we go: (Things that are replenishing my soul)
Sensory deprivation float
Acupuncture
Ultrasound
Chiropractor
Ecstatic Dance
Crystal Movement
Faeries x Gnomes
Dietician
Selling pendants
Drawing with both hands
Hugs
Food
Music

That's 13 items. That's impressive. Amazing, awe-inspiring!
Look at how much time you're putting into caring for yourself. Speaking of, you've gotta get up early, kiddo.